Why is there a cone outside my house?

Traffic Cones are placed on roads, pavements and privately owned land by the council for a number of reasons including roadworks, hazardous zone markings, ceremonial acts of confusion or part of a breakaway sect of your local council acting to:

  • Create a warning to other cones
  • Marking a placeholder for future disappointment
  • Covertly GPS tracked cones to catch university students who steal them after a night out

A cone left unattended for more than 14 days can claim assylum in your local neighbourhood

What can I  do about it?

We have a dedicated inbox for complaints, general moaning, and letters directed to complain about the repeatedly offensive existence of Birmingham - this can be accessed by mailing your own address without a stamp.